SELCA VS. NOT SELCA

*Just a warning, this a very self-centered post hahahaha


My group of friends and a few other classmates recently had a photo shoot for our upcoming radio live show. My friend Bella was in charge of designing the poster and she needed a few of us to dress up in different genres of music. Being the K-pop fanboy that I was, I was asked to dress up in a very K-pop-y style. I actually wanted to buy a few shirts in Prangin but I didn't get to T.T so instead I decided to wear a black shirt, black shorts and my plaid long sleeve around my waist. Basic, I know. My friend Gerald brought a bandana to the shoot and I tied it like a headband~

very Hyunseung-ish/Hani-ish if I may say so myself lol

*Hani's actually wearing a sports headband but whatever its similar I love Hani okay*

I was the photographer and took photos for everyone, but when it came to me obviously someone else had to take the pictures. I was so awkward T.T I didn't know how to pose and I was so awkward that I even had to go search for poses online. But even the poses that I found I couldn't replicate because I just felt so weird.

After getting one acceptable shot (which is by the way by my standards still horrible), Bella proceeded to editing. While waiting around in the studio I decided to take selfies, hence the picture of me above was born. It was like a whole different person was taking the photos and posing!

I think that this has become an issue for me. If I'm with a camera and just taking selfies, I'm a different person. When I take selfies I tend to not care so much what other people think and just pose. However, when people take photos of me I become awkward.

The reason why I'm typing up this blog post is because ever since that day I've been thinking: am I confident or am I shy? After pondering about it, I came to the conclusion that I am shy. I thought of many different scenarios and most of them are where I'm being led by other people. Maybe I need to develop my self confidence?

When I'm alone I feel as if I'm more confident. When I look into the mirror, the person I see is different from the person whom I think I project. Does that make sense? After that photo shoot I looked at myself in the mirror and found myself able to do poses. I was like "WTF, why couldn't I do this like 3 hours ago?".

Conclusion is that I need to be more comfortable in my skin and to express myself more. I'll try to overcome my self-consciousness and project the confident me that I see in the mirror.

Just thought I'd update with a random word vomit post. I actually have 10 hours till my radio production midterm paper and I'm here procrastinating >< wish me luck!

Thanks for reading!